By Jonathan Baez, LCSW
Every fall, young people head back to school. Most carry more than backpacks; they are also saddled with worries about making friends, keeping up academically, finding their way around a new building, or simply figuring out where they belong.
As a psychotherapist at JCCA who works with children and young adults, I want parents to know that some anxiety during a major transition is normal. Starting high school, beginning college, moving away from home, can be exciting and difficult at the same time.
However, there is a significant difference between a teenager who feels nervous about the first day of school and one whose anxiety leads them to avoid class, isolate themselves, skip activities, and lose sleep. Early warning signs of more serious mental health challenges can be difficult to recognize. Parents and caregivers should start by really listening to their young adults
When a teenager says they are anxious, overwhelmed, or afraid, the instinct may be to reassure them immediately. We want to make the problem smaller: “Everyone feels that way,” or “You have nothing to worry about.” Those responses usually come from a good place. But to a teenager, they can sound like their feelings aren’t important.
Instead, give room for them to explain what they are experiencing. Ask open-ended questions. What are you most worried about? When do you notice yourself feeling this way? Is there something about school that feels especially difficult right now?
You don’t need to solve the problem in that first conversation, you need to keep the conversation going. Listening and taking their feelings seriously helps.
But what parents and caregivers should pay close attention to are changes in behavior. Anxiety that’s more serious doesn’t always make itself clear by having a young person say, “I’m anxious.” It may look like persistent or excessive worry about school, friendships, health or other parts of their life that they have difficulty controlling. A young person may seem restless or on edge, become easily fatigued or irritable, have trouble concentrating, experience muscle tension or struggle to sleep. Parents should pay particular attention when these symptoms begin interfering with school, relationships, activities or everyday life.
If anxiety is getting in the way of my child’s life, it may be time to seek additional support. Importantly, do not wait for a crisis. With the right support a crisis can be avoided and your young adult can get back on the path to success.
Particularly since the pandemic, we have seen more and more young people struggle with serious mental health challenges. CDC data show that about one in five adolescents ages 12 to 17 report symptoms of anxiety, and the same amount report symptoms of depression. And the need for more intensive care has grown as well: research found that, compared with before the pandemic, the share of youth mental health emergency department visits resulting in inpatient psychiatric admission increased by 8 percent during the pandemic’s second year.
Thankfully, therapy can help young people learn coping skills, understand patterns in their anxiety and find healthier ways to navigate uncertainty and major transitions. For young adults in particular, seeking help is not evidence that they cannot handle independence. Recognizing when you need support is itself an important part of becoming an adult.
Because of the growing need, more options for help are available too. Young people can get help at many schools and in community based clinics like the ones we run and via online telehealth services. The most important aspect is seeking help and getting the kind of support that makes young people feel supported and better.
We shouldn’t expect young people to go through major transitions without nervousness. But we also shouldn’t assume that every struggle is something they simply need to push through. Making sure young people know they can talk to us and that seeking professional help is sometimes the right decision, is what can help them through that rocky period in their lives.
Jonathan Baez, LMSW, is a psychotherapist at JCCA. He works with children and young adults navigating anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem challenges and other mental health needs.